Why Should I Pay For This?
A common question when people find out about professional cuddling is “Why should I pay for this?” Or they may think “Affection should be free.”
Everything you get in life requires an equitable exchange. If not, then the relationship will eventually dissolve. If you have a friend who often does favors for you, you will likely reciprocate by being a good friend to them in other ways (or possibly the same way). You may pay attention and care for things they want to talk or vent about. You may cook them meals sometime. Even just gratitude and appreciation can be enough to stretch the relationship out longer (though if you don’t do anything else, this won’t be enough for the long run). On the other hand, if you hire a handyman for a paid job, there is no reciprocation expected once you pay for the service. You don’t have to care about them or even think about them at all. The money equalizes the exchange.
Similarly, when you pay for a professional cuddler, you don’t have to worry about anything other than your own needs, because you are paying the professional for the time and attention they are giving you. You don’t have to worry about how they would like to be cuddled or listening to them vent about their day. You don’t have to worry about being selfish in only caring about your own needs or feel a sense of obligation to make them feel better or relaxed. The session is solely about what you want the session to be (within the confines of the client service agreement).
It is my job to be there for you and to listen to (and really HEAR) everything that you need to let out. My focus and attention is solely on you. Your needs are my top priority. I move around you in a way to meet those needs (ie - to feel nurtured, relaxed, or safe). If desired, you will have to make minimal movements, while I do cuddle choreography around you as we go into different positions. You are the king or queen of our time together. I do not get my own cuddle needs met in my sessions (that is taken care of in my own personal time). I am wholly present with you, your needs, your responses, your breath, your words, your tension, and either following your direction in your needs (if you know) or helping anticipate and guide you through what I can sense may help you achieve your goals (if you don’t know). I have been cuddled by other professionals. There really is no comparison to cuddling with a non-professional. Simply amazing.
You are also paying for the professional’s availability. We live in a world where money is required. Primary examples for most of us is we need to pay our mortgage/rent and we need to buy food. A professional being paid for this service allows them to focus their energy and attention on this work. Without being paid, they would need to get another job. With another job, they would not have the time to meet the needs for cuddling in their area, which would leave most people in need without a place to turn.
Myself specifically, I need my down time. If I had another job or operated a different business, I would not have the time or emotional energy to cuddle with my current clients or anyone else. My time and energy would be used up between my work, my family, my pets, and my own personal self-care routines.
Finally, you are paying for safety, skill, and confidentiality. Sure, people experiencing emotional distress COULD just talk to their friends about all their troubles, but it is usually a better idea to take it to a professional talk therapist. They have the skills and knowledge to provide accurate guidance to step their way through what is troubling the person. They also have a legal responsibility for confidentiality. Someone is safe talking about anything in that room with them without worries about the “word getting out”.
With cuddling, you can feel safe in knowing exactly what my intentions are. You don’t have to worry about relationship expectations or any expectations of reciprocity. You will never be put into an uncomfortable position when I push for something more in a session and I will NEVER cross your boundaries. I provide a completely safe space where boundaries are respected and you will never be judged. You have full confidentiality in both that we are having sessions and anything you might share with me in your session. Safety is a huge value and something that is often vastly underrated. In cuddling, skills can often also be underrated, because people think it’s “easy”. There are definite differences between a good cuddler and a bad one, and depending on your personal needs, finding a good one can be life changing. Personally, I seek out training and conventions to continue building my arsenal of knowledge for helping my clients. Similar to the above example, you could talk to your friend or you could talk to a therapist. Both may be able to help, but you are much less likely to become more damaged by a professional’s help than your friend, because they have the knowledge and skills to navigate through your problems in a productive manner. For many people seeking this service, that secure safe space is absolutely imperative. You aren’t guaranteed to get that with a random person or a friend.
On a final note, know that you are not paying for my affection. You are paying for my time and to allow me to focus my life on helping people in this way. I chose to do this because I have affection for people, a deep empathy for the human experience, and a genuine interest in hearing people’s story. You are my passion because that’s how I’m built, not because you are paying for it. You are paying me for it so I can do it. Thank you for taking care of yourself.